Weekly Wrap Up (Death To Despots Edition)

As I alluded to with the first edition of I Watch It So You Don't Have To, I'm always trying to come up with new and interesting topics to write about. After much thought, I've settled for just something new. Each week I'll wrap up all the news that you need to know about. This way you can save time in your busy week and allow me to be the filter through which all your information is received.

Well, I don't think I could've picked a better week to start this wrap up feature. The last 7 days has seen countless lives torn apart, great uncertainty and left people wondering just what to do next. And that's just from Oprah retiring.

I Got A Letter From The Government (Guess Who Has A Stalker!)

No, it didn't say they were suckers. In fact, of all the government letters I've received in my life, nary a one has been an admittance of suckership. I'm starting to wonder where Chuck D gets his facts from.

So what was it about?

Story time:

A few years back, 9 to be exact, a 17 year old Sy Barnaby was involved in an incident. And while I'm not at liberty to discuss the details, this incident resulted in a number of people being sent to federal prison. And this may or may not be because of what I may or may not have said about what I may or may not have seen. (Stop Snitchin' didn't become en vogue for a few years, so you'll have to forgive my squareness.) So, I got a letter today from the Federal Bureau of Prisons, notifying me that one of those lovely fellas is not only set to be released soon, but is headed back to my city.

Zoinks!

Dig It (Rasslin' Memories)

Ed. note: I had intended this post to be about the impending rapture. But, as Winston Churchill once famously remarked, shit changes.

I woke up to the smell of pancakes and cigars. And maybe a little bit of weed (thanks, Uncle Chet). The fresh mountain air, though, was the dominant force invading my nostrils that morning. I couldn't tell you the date, but I know it was a Saturday. At this time, Saturdays were the only day you could watch wrestling. Well, maybe Sunday if you were lucky enough to have cable. But at 11am Saturday, it was wrestling time. Or rasslin, depending on your location relative to the Mason-Dixon.

IWISYDHT: ThanksKilling

Being a smug blog overlord is tough work. You're up against your own lack of motivation and viral videos of dogs talking about bacon. So, every now and then you have to spice things up. Thus, I humbly present a new feature, called I Watch It So You Don't Have To. Think of it as my version of At The Movies, except I'm still alive and have a jaw.

When deciding what movie to feature in the inaugural induction, many factors were considered. What does my audience like? What cinematic expressions speak to their experiences? And most importantly, can I rest peacefully knowing I've spread worthy art to those who wouldn't otherwise be exposed to it?

These questions were answered when I found ThanksKilling.

Ok, That's Enough, White People

Been a bit, eh? Well, funny story, I had a brilliant piece ready to go that I'd worked on for quite some time. Months, actually. I was going to post it a few Sundays ago, but figured "eh, it can wait a day. The brilliance will still resonate." The title of the piece? "10 Reasons Why bin Laden Will Never Be Found." Thanks alot, Barack Obuzzkill.

So, white people. What's their deal? It always seems like they're either ruining the global economy or engaging you in awkward small talk at work that just NEVER. FUCKING. ENDS. Both are equally horrible.

But you know what? For all our heinousness, you gotta admit, we're kinda adorable. You just can't stay mad at us.

That is, until now...