December 9, 2010

The Passion of the Yikes (Or: Rapture's Delight)

So, I figured I'd kick off this blog with the end. The Ultimate End. Pictured above are just a few of the pamphlets I leafed through at work today while trying to find anything to do but work.

Everyone from the Mayans to Darren Daulton has made claims to when this crazy, mixed up world is gonna stop. And while the generally agreed upon consensus has been 2012 (right, John Cusack?), Dr. Harold Camping and his wacky band of mixed up misfits are saying it will be May 21, 2011. Perhaps you've seen one of their doomsday billboards on your travels. The handsome face of this movement after the jump.

This fine amalgamation of Grandpa Munster and Barney Fife is SO convinced of the end being nigh, he sprung for multi-colored pamphlets! You don't drop that kind of scratch at Kinkos without being sure! Of course, this doesn't explain his prediction of Jesus' return in 1994 not coming true, although the Beatles reunion of that year was pretty close to miraculous. 

I do have to thank the good Dr., however. He completely explained to me all the mysteries of the Bible in just one 8 page pamphlet. To summarize: God rules, we suck, he's gonna BBQ our sinning asses something fierce! Oh, and in case you were thinking of becoming "saved" to spare yourself the smiteful one's smitey smotenning, don't bother. Apparently, only God himself can CHOOSE to save you, sez happy Harry. Yeah, the same guy who's ready to torch us. What I take from these prophecies is, to paraphrase Homer Simpson, you tried your best and you failed. The lesson is, never try.

Save me a seat by the furnace.


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