August 23, 2011

Allow Me To Re-introduce Myself

My name is Sy. It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you. Every now and then, though, I just...don't....feel like writing. It's not so much writer's block as it's "writer's not giving a fuck." But, in keeping with the self-centered theme I've neatly established here in my own little corner of the webs, I believe a little re-introduction is in order. Let's, yeah?

Know how when a TV show starts a new season, they'll do a recap to catch everyone up to speed? That's kinda what this'll be. More or less a list of what I like and what I absolutely will not tolerate. Consider it a Cliffs Notes to my psyche.

First, what I enjoy.

1. Kangaroos

Why, you ask? Well, they have awesome accents, they have built in fanny packs and they won't hesitate to knock a motherfucker out. Also, any friend of Jerry O'Connell is a friend of mine.

A Roo made it rain in the Outback. Up yours, Paul Hogan!

2. Barbershop Quartets

I enjoy most manners of acapella singing, but I'm especially partial to Barbershop. It hearkens back to a simpler time. Where voting was a male privilege, the Irish were to be derided and/or bludgeoned and the streets ran rich with whiskey and all variations of flavorful pies.

3. Girls Who Get Jokes

This isn't one of those "girls aren't funny" things. But, on the whole, certain humor tends to escape most women. They'll laugh at Isla Fisher falling over because OMG HER PURSE WAS TOO BIG FOR HER! But that same girl could watch an entire season of Arrested Development and keep waiting for the jokes to appear. Come on! Then again, if my penis bled for a week every month, I'd probably lose my will to chuckle, too.

I know it sounds cliche, but I honestly look for a sense of humor in a girl before anything else. Well, obviously not her tits, of course. But after them, yeah, a sense of humor is absolutely crucial. Because if my style of jokes doesn't play well with her, then I can't be myself. And I have to dip into another persona that I'm not comfortable with. And my comfort comes before all else, natch.

 4. People Who Give A Shit

This might seem obvious, but it warrants a mention. This goes for musicians, politicians and everyone in my life. I don't care if we agree or disagree. Chances are, we're gonna disagree more often than not. And that's ok. In fact, that's great. It shows that you care about what we're talking about. The argument is just a byproduct of passion. It's the ones who go through life riding fences, never committing one way or another that sadden me. I might not believe in a lot, and what I believe in could fluctuate with the wind, but when I say I believe in something, I believe in it with every possible cliche you can dream up. Those that do likewise get never ending props from this guy.

And now for those things which I could do without.

1. Sharks

Fuck sharks, man. They kill people. Shark Week is like King Neptune dedicating a week in the ocean to rapists and mass murderers. Wouldn't happen. Yet, here we are, every year, celebrating these douchebags that can't even swim backwards without dying. Some predator that is. If only there was a cool ass marsupial with human like qualities that we could all cherish. One that could box and maybe teach us how to love again. Kangaroo Week 2012. Let's do it!

2. Serious Self-Important People

Look, I know this world sucks. I get it. Believe me, I do. But there is an inherent silliness to it, as well. The absurdity of life itself should be enough of an oar to paddle through the serious bullshit. This may seem contrary to my praise of people who give a shit, but I don't think so. You should have things you care about, but at the same time, but there's far more in the world that's more important than your problems. So, really, I guess my problem is with self-important people who can't look beyond their own problems to see the bigger picture.

Do I want more money? Yeah, of course I do. Do I wish that girl had called me back? No doubt. But to sit there and bemoan those problems when there are people a stone's throw away who are worried about where their next meal will come from...well, that just ain't me. I always laugh when people bitch about rain when they have houses, cars and umbrellas. Meanwhile, there's a homeless person a few blocks away that has none of those options. Is some of that their own fault? Probably. But would those people complaining have the nerve to complain about the rain to that homeless person's face? I doubt it. Like I say to people, it ain't about you.

3. People

Let me explain. I think people are generally, genuinely good. If given a choice to do good or evil, 99% of us will choose good 100% of the time. But every day, the best of us do some evil shit, without even realizing it. Present company included. There are mitigating factors in those decisions, of course. But when you sit back and look at the effect we can inadvertently have on each other, it makes you think for a second before you speak or act. An offhand comment might be just that to you; but to the person on the receiving end, it's something that'll linger for days, weeks or even months. And we won't see the inner ramifications, but that doesn't mean they're not real.

What I'm saying is that, in our attempts to maintain our own level of comfort, we sometimes push others beneath the surface. And we don't always help them come back up. Again, not out of malice, but, rather, that we didn't realize we did it in the first place. I try to be cognizant of the unintentional harm my jokes can have. I don't always catch myself, but I try. That's the most we can be asked of, right? To try?  

I'm not self centered or naive enough to think this missive will make a difference. But at least I know I wrote it. I tried. The most that can be asked of me. Or so they say. But if one person reads this far, and it causes them to reconsider something they may have said or done to someone, then this hasn't been a total waste of effort. And I'm ok with that.

Oh yeah, I forgot. One more thing I hate.




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