2013

So. 2013. You certainly happened, didn't you?I set out to write some grand, all encapsulating account of my year. The attempts at this have taken the form of a hackneyed letter to a 2013, a stream of consciousness that stretches the definition of "conscious" and other less notable variations. Instead, I'm just gonna type things and leave 'em here.

 

My first instinct is to tell this year to go fuck itself. First it took my mom from me, and then, yesterday, my grandmom. In the last few days I was bargaining with some unknown entity to let my grandmom make it to 2014, as if that would somehow take the sting out of losing her. It obviously wouldn't, but I at least would have the moral victory over 2013. But in a weird way, I'm kinda glad that I can wrap up all my anger and direct it towards one specific year. Don't go getting any ideas, though, '14. Keep your filthy claws off the rest of my family and friends.

 

But if I were to do that, I'd have to erase the good things that happened. And those good things have provided just enough distraction so that I don't drown in my thoughts. At the beginning of this year, I set a goal that I'd have my own comedy show. I didn't tell anyone, because, frankly, I had no idea if/how I'd accomplish this. Not that it was some Herculean task, more that I was so clueless as to how to go about it. Then, I asked for a show. And I got it. Then, a few months later, I was asked to do another show. And I did. Along the way, other people asked me to do their shows. And that's all I've ever really wanted. A chance to be funny for people.

 

Even through the darkest, bleakest times of not just this year, but my life as a whole, there was value to be found. Shared pain tends to bring people together. I'll never be able to articulate how much it's meant to me to reconnect with family members I'd grown apart from. Whether it's a drunken night on the town after a set at Helium, a fake Thanksgiving with three generations of relatives or getting a chance to sit down and have a real conversation with my ridiculously determined, smart and beautiful cousin, I've relished every single minute of it all.

 

I don't want this to be depressing. God knows I have enough posts to cover that ground. I just had to get some of these thoughts out and this is the best medium for it. I've tried exploring these things in my sets, but in order to get to the pay off that life is inherently filled with potential and promise, I have to take the audience down some pretty dark fucking roads. And that's something they've let me know, resoundingly, they give zero fucks to participate in. Duly noted.

 

Normally I have some cute little final paragraph that sums things up and leaves everyone feeling Zestfully clean. Not so here. I was kicked in the nuts by life several times this year. But even taking that into account, I think I'm still ahead of the game in the grand scheme. And there are way, way, way more people that have had it way, way, way worse. So I really don't want this to come off as me complaining or fishing for sympathy. Sympathy, as a currency, has a remarkably short life span. Invariably it's gone before you're able to spend it. I have no interest in sympathy.

 

As usual, I've wandered way off my intended path. So I'm just gonna say merry Christmas (or whatever your thing is), happy new year and be nice to everyone. We need it. Now I'm gonna go drink some fancy beer and watch some Degrassi.

 

PS. I'm two days late, but happy birthday, mom. I'll be funny on the next one.