January 6, 2011

...But You Already Knew That

Just some random thoughts. So random I sat at my computer and typed them out.

  • Ke$ha looks like the love child of the Ultimate Warrior and Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister. With perhaps a touch of the Downs.
  • My dream is to one day have a statue erected (nh) of me in honor of my ending a horrible, bloody war.
  • My other dream is to one day have an even bigger statue erected (nh) of me next to the first statue in honor of my starting an even more horrible, bloodier war.
  • I want to combine two popular reality shows to create a new reality show called Sarah Palin's Deadliest Alaska. In the opener, Sarah Palin is mauled to death by a 700lb Kodiak bear. There are no further episodes.
  • 97% of people reading the last thought are currently thinking "WTF, he just re-used that joke from his Facebook page. Gay!"
  • 97% of people reading this are, in fact, the gaywads. Not me.
  • I would like to see the phrase "mom jeans" entered into the lexicon of pop culture as an adjective for a visually unpleasing female. i.e. "Dude, I used to think Katy Perry was hot til I saw a picture of her without makeup. She's fucking mom jeans, yo!"
  • If enough people click the ads on this site, I will be able to fulfill my dream of going to West Virginia, meeting Jesco White and drinking moonshine with him while dancing to Hank the Third. Make it happen, people.
  • Jeff Bridges is quickly entering the Daniel Day-Lewis realm where I will forgive any shit movie he makes due to his greatly epic greatness in almost everything else he does. Christian Bale, you do not get this yet.
  • I'm not sure what it says about me that I sat through The Black Swan just to watch Mila and Natalie get their Ellen and Portia on. Oh, that's right, I have a penis. That's what it says.
  • Actually, remember that Family Guy episode where Stewie makes a clone of himself called Bitch Stewie that isn't quite right? It looks like Stewie, but is kinda weirdly off, and has no real discernible talent or purpose and ultimately ends up melting into a pile of its own viscous fluid? Ke$ha is Bitch Lady Gaga.
  • Snookie wrote a book. My first reaction is to get angry, but then I realize that some poor schlub went through 4 years of college, probably some grad school, immersed themselves in Wilde, Hemingway and Faulkner and after a bunch of internships finally got a paying job in the publishing industry. Finally, their road to eventually writing the next great American novel was taking shape. And what was their first task? To proof read and edit a book by Snookie from the Jersey Shore. I can only smile.
Anyway, just some random thoughts....but you already knew that. (SEE WHAT I FUCKING DID THERE?!?!?!)

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