February 13, 2011

More Random Tandems

So I was racking my brain trying to come up with something relevant to add to the discussion about the recent uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt. All I could come up with was a pun about it being a pyramid scheme. So here's some random thoughts, yo.

  • I went to school with one of the Lost Boys of Sudan. After he explained to me that he 1)Doesn't know Corey Haim and 2)Doesn't smoke Philly blunts cause they're for silly stunts, he told me that his best friend had been eaten by a lion. I replied, "Yeah, I know how ya feel. When I was 8 my best friend moved to Vermont."
  • When the band Orgy has a concert, they should have to advertise as "Orgy (THE BAND)." It's too late for me, but maybe someone else gets spared the embarrassment.
  • A co-worker was upset about having to put her dog down. As hard as I tried, the only thing I could think to say is "that's a dog gone shame."
  • It's not that I think women are inferior to men. It's just that they're not as good as we are at everything that's important or meaningful.
  • Sometimes I think I'd fit in really well in the Old West. Not the exploring new frontiers or starting a new town parts, but the prostitution and Indian murdering parts. Yeah, I'd be good at those.
  • I should really do something about my apathy.
  • Fuck it.
  • Hey, Linkin Park, why you so angry?
  • If I ever encountered someone who referred to themselves as a "Gleek" in person, I would punch them. Truss.
  • If Disney movies have taught us anything, it's to never look up a chimney. It's just not worth it. Oh, and that jews are generally untrustworthy.
  • It wasn't polio that took FDR's legs. It was the world's first case of Bieber Fever.
  • When I'm at a checkout counter at a store, a fun thing I like to do is start the conversation in English, then slip into Spanish, then back to English before the checkout person says anything.
  • I hope to one day be compared to James Joyce. Not as a writer, but as a raging alcoholic pervert who spent his last dime on cheap whiskey and disease ridden prostitutes.
These "random thoughts" entries are the blog equivalent of TV clip shows. I apologize. Here's the only worthwhile part of the horrid movie known as "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry": Jessica Biel's smoking body.

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