March 16, 2011

I Think I'm Turning Japanese (I Really Think So)

A guy walks into a bar in Japan. Except the bar doesn't exist anymore because THERE WAS A GIANT FUCKING EARTHQUAKE LAST WEEK.

So everyone knows what happened. Or, I guess, what's continuing to happen. Because it seems like every day there's a new report of more earthquakes, bodies washing up on shores and potential nuclear meltdown. Worst of all, we're constantly being inundated with people's worthless fucking opinions about all of this. And what we need now is the opinion of just one more asshole. That's where I come in. 

Personally (as opposed to professionally), I think random shit tends to happen just because it's in random shit's nature to happen. Can you make connections between what happened with one particular country in a certain point of time, and what's happened to that same country 70 years later? Sure. But even a blindfolded Michael J. Fox can draw those shakey lines. Doesn't mean they hold any weight.

But Cappie Pondexter of the WNBA's New York Liberty seems to think this is God's way of enacting revenge because, "u just never knw! They did pearl harbor so u can't expect anything less", which she tweeted and has since deleted.

First off, I'm pretty sure Cappie Pondexter was one of Groucho Marx's aliases in Duck Soup. Secondly, while it's been well documented and widely agreed upon (in this country) that America is totes God's BFF, you gotta think that if He were to Layeth the Smacketh down, he'd have done so in a more timely fashion than 70 years after Pearl Harbor. I mean, shit, most the people who were alive when Pearl Harbor happened and could remember it, are dead. And that's not even counting the World War II veterans. So, if Cappie Marx is right, then, well...God, thanks for the help, but we kinda won that war already. In fact, we put a couple exclaimation points on it. Thanks again, though!

Then there are the people who have taken this tragedy and used it to fuel their personal mission. That mission is being of no help whatsoever to anyone at anytime ever unless it's something that has personally affected them and only then if they are getting something tangible back in return.

Are these bad people? Generally speaking, no. Just in need of a little perspective. Over the last week, I've seen a disturbing amount of people who believe the United States should offer no help to the people of Japan. Again, a lot of this seems to stem from something that happened 70 years ago. Something that they've experienced only through second or third hand accounts.

I'm not saying anyone has to give anything. Times are tough. Just the other day I was thinking about how people have been affected by this economy as I walked down town and was so deep in thought that I stepped on a homeless person's head. As I cleaned his blood off my brand new Jordans, I thought what a shame it was that he has no health insurance.

In all srs, though, these people seem to be going out of their way to tell other people not to give anything. I think they haven't quite grasped the magnitude of the situation. Literally. It was 8.9. And while we on the East Coast may be used to seeing the occasional body wash up on the banks of the Jersey shore, this is something that we would never (and hopefully will never) understand without experiencing it. So rather than telling people what to do with their money, hows about you spend that time reading up on our recent history with Japan. The fact that they've been one of our strongest economic and military allies for many years seems to have been overshadowed by the much more relevant events of 70 years ago.

Know what? Fuck it. Do what you wanna do. I guess when an event like this happens, everyone reacts differently. Me? I try to find the quickest, cheapest joke to make. Not because I think the situation itself is funny or I don't grasp the seriousness, but I've found nervous laughter is a great release for tension. Anyway, below is the compulsory Red Cross link that people like me put up to pretend like I've done something to help.



  1. Great post. Except the Red Cross link. No Bueno. Don't trust them.

    Was in Tokyo last November. Been working on some things to raise funds and help some folks me and my NYC fam know personally. Basically working on getting info directly from the source of who's actually helping and what people need of what we can actually offer from here.

    I do a monthly event and we didn't wanna go the whole fundraiser route until we were clear with who we were going to help directly and what the best way to provide that help is. It's real sad that people use tragedy to get attention about their events and their music.

    I may be back in Japan this year. I wish I had funds to travel there now and actually volunteer to help people. I know some folks that picked up and went.

    It's an interesting feeling to have recently been in a country for the first time mind and really enjoyed your visit , then months later see this happening and worry about your friends and family dealing with something so massive people here really can't understand.

  2. Thanks for the insight. All the news images in the world can't properly convey the destruction Japan has suffered.

    Hope all your friends and family are safe and accounted for.